Room For Improvement
A Flash Fiction by Hilary Ayshford
Finalist: 2025 Hermit Crab Prize
Probation Performance Review for: James Pullman (Boyfriend)
Evaluated by: Melanie Phillips (Relationship Partner)
Assessment Period: Initial Six Months
English: C-
James is not the most effective communicator. Although he gives the impression of being attentive, his listening skills need some improvement. When questioned, he can repeat the words verbatim but it soon becomes clear he has absorbed neither their importance nor their meaning.
Biology: C+
Initially, James's basic knowledge of anatomy, particularly the female kind, left much to be desired. However, this is now improving thanks to his obvious desire to learn and willingness to put in hours of assiduous practice. If he continues to make progress at his current rate, he could develop significant skills in this area.
History: B
James has shown a keen interest in raking up the past. Unfortunately, he has yet to learn that some things are better left undisturbed. I suspect that, in time, he will find out the hard way that some skeletons should remain buried.
Economics: D-
Although James is perfectly capable of grasping the concepts of profit and loss and income versus outgoings, his bottom line is that the laws of mathematics do not apply to him and he sees no reason to live within his means. Unless he pulls his socks up and gets to grips with reality, I can see a lifetime of problems ahead.
Sociology: A-
James shows great aptitude in this subject and is confident and at ease in almost any situation. He displays a promising talent for entertaining an audience, but his desire to be the centre of attention sometimes prevents others from enjoying their turn to shine. A little more awareness of the feelings of others would not go amiss.
Geography: C+
There has been some improvement in James's ability to follow directions, whether assistance comes from the satnav or from those around him. He seems to have conquered his innate dislike of asking for help, but still resists any suggestion that he is lost. Finding his way to a pub never seems to cause him any difficulty, though.
Physics: C-
James is showing worrying signs of succumbing to the effects of gravity in the area around his waist. This could be easily rectified by spending less time in the pub and more time engaged in physical activity, such as carrying shopping or pushing a trolley round the supermarket (see also Biology, above, and Sport, below).
Sport: D-
James needs to show a lot more effort to achieve significant improvement. He is inherently lazy, and would benefit from greater physical activity, notably in areas such as hanging up clothes, emptying the dishwasher and vacuuming the floor.
Attendance: C
Satisfactory, although his punctuality has been slipping recently. James needs to work on his time-keeping as he is invariably late for everything, which is unfair on everyone else. Occasional lengthy, unexplained absences for which he can provide no reasonable excuse will not be tolerated and if they continue may result in temporary or permanent exclusion.
General Attitude: B
James shows promise in some areas, but could try harder in others. His performance is occasionally disappointing, but his apology is always genuine and sincere. If he applies himself over the next six months, he could find himself ahead of the field and with a good chance of long-term success.
Author: Hilary Ayshford is a former science journalist and editor based in rural Kent in the UK. She writes flash fiction and short stories, and is working on her first novel. She likes her music in a minor key and has a penchant for the darker side of human nature.